practicality

I have a hard time really, truly hating people, and a hard time holding grudges. I think this is because of a number of things - first, I can never really work up the emotion to actually hate anyone not close to me. Dislike, yes, but for the most part, there can't be any real deep personal-level dislike because, well, they're not close enough to be able to hurt me or my relationships with others, and there's no real point in caring. Which means all the people I want to really, truly hate are former friends. Only my friends have the power to get me that worked up and angry, at least for more than five minutes (short-tempered, me? Yes). The problem there then because they were friends, I can still remember all those good moments back when I still liked and cared about the person, and part of me wants to forgive and be forgiven, because when it comes down to it, I want to like people, and I really, really want to be liked. And this leaves me feeling conflicted - how do you forgive someone who has done the unforgiveable, and reconcile what they did with who they used to be? Which is all topped off by my own stubborness - I want to be right, and for them to be wrong. I want to be able to just hate them. My dad would probably have some deep, sagely advice on the answer to this problem, but I don't.

(I know there've been lots of posts and a fair amount of navel-gazing lately - it's what happens when I have no work or school for a week, and half my friends have gone home and most of the rest are getting various summer thing set in action. I sit around and think waaaay too much. This will probably end next week when the insanity begins. Though I will inform you all if we have any geriatric tuna thieves.)