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(warning, possibly very disjointed musings) (also, check last entry. The people I needed to read that quite obviously did not)

I've been thinking a little, recently. Just about random things, about me, how things have been going recently. And I had a strange, somewhat paradoxial realization. Over the last few weeks, I've had a number of very social moments, at least for me, where I actually go out and spend time and make friends, and talk to them, but at the same time, I've been pulling more into myself in the stretches inbetween, becoming more reclusive. It's not depression, or stress or anything...I think....it's probably closer to apathy, really. I'm heading back to the way I used to be in elementary school and middle school, that maybe two or three people reading this remember at all - where I basically just don't care enough to reach out to the rest of the world, and be content alone, with my music and my reading, as, as it's always been, most of the world doesn't exactly reach out to me ^^

*sigh* Some part of me realizes this is probably not a good thing, but the rest of me can't really bring itself to be terribly upset. This whole ramble is probably from too much ALHR and not enough sleep, anyway ^^


Top Commenters on [livejournal.com profile] momijizukamori's LiveJournal
1[livejournal.com profile] momijizukamori236 236
2[livejournal.com profile] shineko103 103
3[livejournal.com profile] akabaka54 54
4[livejournal.com profile] rainbow_gossip48 48
5[livejournal.com profile] seracy35 35
6[livejournal.com profile] ariseishirou33 33
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_______________
Report generated 6/14/2004 3:02:07 PM by [livejournal.com profile] scrapdog's LJ Comment Stats Wizard 1.1

I'm actually not surprised at all by the first five. Totally expected there. The second half was a bit more 'Wow, they comment that much?', even though it's really not _that_ much, I just don't get a terribly large number of comments.

Date: 2004-06-14 05:47 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] ext_374336 (from dreamwidth.org)
<3 Damn, I'm proud today. That makes seven :P

But more importantly - and probably what I should have said first x_x - apathy((or 'me' time in a way)) isn't too bad. I have plenty of moments of apathy and coiling away from social scenes. But anyone who knows me knows I'm also generally cheerful and such.

So it's not bad to just be content with you. As long as it doesn't stay that way, ne? I know you probably don't need any advice or anything, but I'm trying to make this more like a little snug and nod XD;;

Date: 2004-06-14 06:12 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] momijizukamori.dreamwidth.org
Well, the thing is, this goes beyond 'me' time. I always have 'me' time, it's one of those things that keeps me from going crazy, I think, because even when I'm enjoying myself amoung other people, I still need time on my own terms, to do what I want. This is...well, closer to true apathy, where I just don't care. And it worries me a little, because I'm edging back towards where I was when I really literally was a social recluse. I had all of two or three friends, and those were only the people who would talk to me, as opposed to me talking to them. And I know that I have some very strong escapist tendancies, and this isn't really helping them...I don't care enough to deal with the real world...so I just _don't_.

Hopefully things will get a little better come summer. And thanks ^^

Date: 2004-06-14 06:29 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] ext_374336 (from dreamwidth.org)
*mews* I hope so as well~ *HUGS* <3

Date: 2004-06-14 06:51 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] momijizukamori.dreamwidth.org
Mmm...I think at this point, I'm just going to be an asshole and make my friends do something about it, because I don't care enough to try to talk to people who seem to not want me around. They want a friendship, they can do some of the hard work for once.

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