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(warning, possibly very disjointed musings) (also, check last entry. The people I needed to read that quite obviously did not)
I've been thinking a little, recently. Just about random things, about me, how things have been going recently. And I had a strange, somewhat paradoxial realization. Over the last few weeks, I've had a number of very social moments, at least for me, where I actually go out and spend time and make friends, and talk to them, but at the same time, I've been pulling more into myself in the stretches inbetween, becoming more reclusive. It's not depression, or stress or anything...I think....it's probably closer to apathy, really. I'm heading back to the way I used to be in elementary school and middle school, that maybe two or three people reading this remember at all - where I basically just don't care enough to reach out to the rest of the world, and be content alone, with my music and my reading, as, as it's always been, most of the world doesn't exactly reach out to me ^^
*sigh* Some part of me realizes this is probably not a good thing, but the rest of me can't really bring itself to be terribly upset. This whole ramble is probably from too much ALHR and not enough sleep, anyway ^^
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I'm actually not surprised at all by the first five. Totally expected there. The second half was a bit more 'Wow, they comment that much?', even though it's really not _that_ much, I just don't get a terribly large number of comments.
I've been thinking a little, recently. Just about random things, about me, how things have been going recently. And I had a strange, somewhat paradoxial realization. Over the last few weeks, I've had a number of very social moments, at least for me, where I actually go out and spend time and make friends, and talk to them, but at the same time, I've been pulling more into myself in the stretches inbetween, becoming more reclusive. It's not depression, or stress or anything...I think....it's probably closer to apathy, really. I'm heading back to the way I used to be in elementary school and middle school, that maybe two or three people reading this remember at all - where I basically just don't care enough to reach out to the rest of the world, and be content alone, with my music and my reading, as, as it's always been, most of the world doesn't exactly reach out to me ^^
*sigh* Some part of me realizes this is probably not a good thing, but the rest of me can't really bring itself to be terribly upset. This whole ramble is probably from too much ALHR and not enough sleep, anyway ^^
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scrapdog's LJ Comment Stats Wizard 1.1I'm actually not surprised at all by the first five. Totally expected there. The second half was a bit more 'Wow, they comment that much?', even though it's really not _that_ much, I just don't get a terribly large number of comments.
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no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 05:47 pm (UTC)From:But more importantly - and probably what I should have said first x_x - apathy((or 'me' time in a way)) isn't too bad. I have plenty of moments of apathy and coiling away from social scenes. But anyone who knows me knows I'm also generally cheerful and such.
So it's not bad to just be content with you. As long as it doesn't stay that way, ne? I know you probably don't need any advice or anything, but I'm trying to make this more like a little snug and nod XD;;
no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 06:12 pm (UTC)From:Hopefully things will get a little better come summer. And thanks ^^
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Date: 2004-06-14 06:29 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 06:51 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 06:16 pm (UTC)From:And yes, reading ALHR really fucks you up and makes you depressed big time. =_=;; I'm glad I was reading it at the end of term last year and all I had to do when I was finished reading for 6 hours straight was to go to sleep. >_>
*huggles Cocoa* I would hang with you more if you were within reach of me... but ... ;_;
I'll get you stuff here in Japan. :D
no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 06:49 pm (UTC)From:And...it's not really depression, and it's not really ALHR, either, I think. I'm vaguely annoyed about a few little things, but they're unrelated to this, and ALHR is helping make it worse, but if I wasn't reading that, I would probably find something else to escape from the rest of the world.
Hopefully we'll have some time this fall, inbetween getting fucked by work, as I'll have my liscense and can be all 'Screw you, family-that's-never-around! I'm going to Boston'
And thanks, but you don't _have_ to ^^
no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 06:20 pm (UTC)From:A million hugs Cocoa!
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Date: 2004-06-14 07:15 pm (UTC)From:Snuggin' is fun too.
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Date: 2004-06-14 07:24 pm (UTC)From::)
Date: 2004-06-14 07:37 pm (UTC)From:And when should we get together? Maybe sometime in next weekend? not this weekend, the one after that, after father's day. No plans that I know of on this end. how about you?
As for the apathy, I wouldn't worry too much. I kinda saw it coming, and it can be a relief for you. Makes you a little less stressed. You know, it could be that now that you're socializing more, you don't feel the need to reach out? you know, the if-it-ain't-broke-don't-fix-it thingeroo. Switching roles....
I THINK I know what I'm saying. Ask me tomorrow morning, when I'm not dying ^^
<3
Re: :)
Date: 2004-06-14 07:46 pm (UTC)From:And your theory would make sense if the social was starting to come to me, instead of me going to it, but largely, it's not. Which means that if I don't bother trying to talk to people, I'm basically cut off from the rest of the world.
Bleh. I just want to sleep and play FF7 but I have school and my computer doesn't like the discs....
no subject
Date: 2004-06-14 07:54 pm (UTC)From:But the problem is that I have these same tendencies, too.. the reason I don't PM you first is because I tend to not PM ANYONE first. I hide.
...*will go feel like a bitch in corner now*
hmm
Date: 2004-06-14 10:07 pm (UTC)From::)
no subject
Date: 2004-06-15 04:06 am (UTC)From:About the apathy thing; you sound just like me. At times.
About the apathy thing; you sound just like me. At times. <_< ...>_> I guess it happens to everyone sometimes? I hope...>_>...<_<