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(Yay cousin's boyfriend and his laptop and dial-up <3 *has internet access again, for now*)
I meant to bring this up in my other entry, but I kind of got distracted by having other people around me. Even the thought of people reading over my shoulder bugs me, it's kind of a pet peeve.
Anyway. So, last night, before I went to bed, I decided to read TB 2, because I wasn't quite ready to go to sleep, and I hadn't read my English copy of it yet. And then, because I had it with me me, I read through X16 again (I use 'read' in a very loose sense here, as I have basically no Japanese comprehension). And...I think I caught a glimpse of something I've been missing for a while - what I guess could be called my Seishirou. What I see in him, why I love him, and most importantly right now, why I started cosplaying him.
I've been starting to realize recently that I've grown from cosplaying Seishirou for me, to somewhat cosplaying him for certain other people, who I think know who they are and thus won't be named, and in a competative, unhealthy way at that (My two Subarus, Hokuto, and Tree-san, I don't mean you guys. Don't get upset, it's not your fault ^^). I do unfortunately have tendancies towards jealousy, and being competative. And now...now, there is a standard to match. One that I can't match, at least in the eyes of most. This, in turn, leads to two problems:
One, not cosplaying for love of the character, which is a nasty rut, and one I promised myself I would never fall into, and two, tensions and problems with aforementioned certain people, who I really do love and admire, possibly more than they realize, beyond all the times I get jealous of them, or upset with them. And everybody else has to put up with all that, unfortunately ^^;
As for a solution - amoung other things, I think I need to find that reason I started cosplaying Seishirou for myself, and holding on to it. How, I'm not entirely sure, but I'll try. And...I think I need to find a way out from under their shadow, or how to stop being jealous of them, because it'll make it harder to go back to being non-competative about this.
...Wow, that was a hell of a lot about cosplay. Never let it be said I don't take it seriously, I suppose ^^ Anyway, interested in hearing thoughts and comments on my crazed, early-morning ramblings ^^
I meant to bring this up in my other entry, but I kind of got distracted by having other people around me. Even the thought of people reading over my shoulder bugs me, it's kind of a pet peeve.
Anyway. So, last night, before I went to bed, I decided to read TB 2, because I wasn't quite ready to go to sleep, and I hadn't read my English copy of it yet. And then, because I had it with me me, I read through X16 again (I use 'read' in a very loose sense here, as I have basically no Japanese comprehension). And...I think I caught a glimpse of something I've been missing for a while - what I guess could be called my Seishirou. What I see in him, why I love him, and most importantly right now, why I started cosplaying him.
I've been starting to realize recently that I've grown from cosplaying Seishirou for me, to somewhat cosplaying him for certain other people, who I think know who they are and thus won't be named, and in a competative, unhealthy way at that (My two Subarus, Hokuto, and Tree-san, I don't mean you guys. Don't get upset, it's not your fault ^^). I do unfortunately have tendancies towards jealousy, and being competative. And now...now, there is a standard to match. One that I can't match, at least in the eyes of most. This, in turn, leads to two problems:
One, not cosplaying for love of the character, which is a nasty rut, and one I promised myself I would never fall into, and two, tensions and problems with aforementioned certain people, who I really do love and admire, possibly more than they realize, beyond all the times I get jealous of them, or upset with them. And everybody else has to put up with all that, unfortunately ^^;
As for a solution - amoung other things, I think I need to find that reason I started cosplaying Seishirou for myself, and holding on to it. How, I'm not entirely sure, but I'll try. And...I think I need to find a way out from under their shadow, or how to stop being jealous of them, because it'll make it harder to go back to being non-competative about this.
...Wow, that was a hell of a lot about cosplay. Never let it be said I don't take it seriously, I suppose ^^ Anyway, interested in hearing thoughts and comments on my crazed, early-morning ramblings ^^
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no subject
Date: 2004-07-01 12:13 am (UTC)From:If that's the way you feel, then keep doing it. If it's for other people, why bother?
Also, Cha4 of Anarchy is up ;0. It has pr0n!
no subject
Date: 2004-07-01 12:15 pm (UTC)From:Hopefully going back and doing some TB will help, as while X Sei is cool, TB Sei is fun, and the one I liked first anyway. Plus I don't really have any competition from you ^^
no subject
Date: 2004-07-01 04:30 am (UTC)From:*nods* It's the same with me...^^
[analyst mode] So, you feel over-shadowed? Is this not "just for fun"? I think that you're right in needing to find the reason for cosplaying Seishirou. [/analyst mode]
no subject
Date: 2004-07-01 09:55 am (UTC)From:/random unhelpful comment
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Date: 2004-07-01 11:46 am (UTC)From:And hello, I didn't know you read this ^^
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Date: 2004-07-01 01:31 pm (UTC)From:I was just browsing friends' flists out of boredom :P
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Date: 2004-07-01 02:14 pm (UTC)From:(And taking a brief glance at your user info, guessing either Shi or Mel's friendslist ^^? Both lovely people, although you seem pretty cool yourself. And have pretty pretty art skills ^^)
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Date: 2004-07-01 02:39 pm (UTC)From:Shi's this time. Though I was here a while back since Mel posted a link to your post with YnM cosplay photos if I remember correctly.
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Date: 2004-07-01 03:25 pm (UTC)From:And thank you ^.^; *just realized she ate the last part of her reply* x_x;;
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Date: 2004-07-01 09:47 pm (UTC)From: