practicality | (no subject)

[Rain closes his eyes and lowers his head in relief, some of the tension draining out of his frame. If that information had gotten out, after he promised Simon... he wouldn't have been able to face the man again. He knows he shouldn't doubt Okita's honour, but... the 'what if' voice in his mind isn't always easy to ignore.

By the sound of it, though, he's not the first to lay into Okita for his actions. He looks back up at the other man.] So someone else has already given you a piece of their mind? [Good, Rain thinks. Perhaps the more people who tell Okita not to do things like that, the quicker it'll sink in.

He notices Okita's breathing, and frowns in concern... is he sick again? He's not coughing, but Rain's not sure why else he'd be out of breath when they're just standing here. Standing in the doorway, still... and this conversation could take awhile. He suspects there may be something else Okita's not telling him.]

...Can I come in?

[Souji tenses visibly, his lips thinning - Tian had given him rather more than piece of his mind. But he wasn't going to stand in the doorway discussing it. So he stood aside, silently letting Rain into his home.

He followes, as well, closing the door behind him, and slipping down to his usual spot on a floor cushion. After a moment of silence, he speaks-]

Tian-sama came by, earlier.

[No familiar lack of honorific, and no 'dono' either. Tian was no longer his lord.]

Edited 2011-08-06 07:04 (UTC)

[Rain enters, and kneels across from Okita's spot. These visits are really becoming quite routine... but there's very little that's routine about the circumstances of this one.

He picks up on the substitution of 'sama' for the usual 'dono' and his brows furrow slightly. He doesn't know Tian personally, but he's aware of his relationship with Okita, and he imagines that the dragon must have been considerably enraged... he wouldn't have harmed Okita though, would he? Is that why he's not breathing well? Rain's eyes narrow, and his voice is steely when he speaks.]

...And?

I am... ronin, now. And barely that.

[His voice is calm, a brittle smile in place - but his hands, resting on the edge of the table, are shaking.]

[Ah. Tian cast him off, then. Rain... well, he can understand it. If Okita pledged his service to Tian and then went and did something so consequential - and so reckless - behind his back or even against his will... Rain doesn't necessarily like it, but he can understand it. What Tian does is his business, though; Rain's just concerned with Okita here. And he never truly understood why the man pledged his service to the dragon to begin with.]

Here, perhaps, you are. But you know that he was always just a substitute. [Rain's aware of how cold and harsh that sounds, but he's not taking it back. While a fair portion of his anger has abated at seeing Okita in such an obviously shaken state, it hasn't entirely dissipated. After a pause though, he does temper his statement a bit.] Your true master is elsewhere.

[Another pause, and then...] What do you mean by 'barely that'?

[Souji almost recoils at that - Rain's words are like a slap to the face. But - they're true, and after a moment, he relaxes]

I can read... his name now. The one you gave me.

[One small shred of comfort, anyway.

In response to the question, he raises a hand, touches the right side of his chest]

Death wasn't... the punishment. One of my lungs. It's gone.

[Rain's eyes widen, slowly, and he goes completely still. One of... Okita's lungs. The words replay themselves in his mind, sinking in a little more each time, and it's several long seconds before he can do anything more than stare at Okita in appalled shock. When he finally speaks, his voice is soft and hoarse.]

...Gone.

[What remaining anger Rain harboured up until this point has now utterly vanished. What Okita did was stupid, incredibly so... but he's paid for it. He's more than paid for it. He won't be able to fight like this - he's right. He's barely any sort of samurai at all, anymore. This price... is too high.

A new, colder fury creeps in to take the place of what's just vanished, and it's not directed at Okita, but at Edensphere. This can't be allowed to continue. This place has too much power, and abuses it all too readily. It has to be stopped... somehow, whatever the cost, it has to be stopped.

His eyes harden, but Rain keeps that fury in check, tucks it away - he's just admonished Okita for acting recklessly, and he's not about to run out and do the same. A shinobi must be patient... his time will come.]

I'm sorry. [It sounds hollow, meaningless, and Rain's not even sure why he said it. It changes nothing, and Okita probably doesn't want his pity. But it's said. And now Rain really needs to think about something else before his composure slips any further.]

Speaking of names... [He flips through the notebook he's brought in an effort to pretend that moving past this news is easy, but his voice remains conspicuously tense.] I've recovered several more. It's... [he swallows] ...why I wasn't there. I received a memory crystal.

[Souji just... nods. He doesn't really want to talk about it, but it's something Rain needs to know. Tian... he didn't even bother asking.

But he's more than happy to accept the awkward transition, if it means not talking about how utterly useless he is now]

Which names?

[It appears as though Okita's just as much in favour of a change of topic as he is. Rain locates the section of his notebook in which he's jotted down his notes about the latest memory, and he takes a moment to quickly and quietly skim through them. It helps him to collect his thoughts, and when he speaks again he sounds like his usual composed self.]

Several. There were many people present, among them a Toudou and a Sano. I mentioned someone by the name of Furutaka at one point, and someone else mentioned a Yamanami. The vice commander was there, and another person I couldn't identify addressed him as Toshi. [Rain pauses, glancing up at Okita... but if he can read the name Hijikata now, he should be able to hear that one also, right?]

...The rest of my name, as well. It's Yamazaki.

[Souji's brow furrows slightly in thought]

They're all... familiar. [The last two in particular - though after his dream, the vice-commander's doesn't surprise him.]

Yamazaki-san. It fits. [There's a small smile there, less brittle than before.]

[Rain nods. It does fit - it feels even more comfortable to him than the name Susumu. Perhaps he'll start going by it. But that thought can wait; there's more to the memory, and Okita should probably hear it. He continues.]

You were also there. We were preparing for battle, by the sound of it. There were thirty-four Shinsengumi soldiers, and roughly forty of the enemy hidden in the city, and it was ultimately decided that we would not wait for reinforcements from Aizu. [And Rain has to wonder just how that worked out for them... he advocated waiting, after all.]

[Souji listens thoughtfully, nodding slightly. It's good to know - but he doesn't have the context for this particular incident, no real idea of how it fits into their shared history. Though... one thing might tell]

If I spoke at all... did I sound well?

[The question brings Rain right back to he's missing a lung, and he swallows, but answers smoothly.]

You said very little, but you sounded fine.

[Rain's not sure, either, exactly where this incident fits in; he's able to determine a rough timeline for some of his memories in relation to others, but this one... there was nothing in it for him to go by. It probably came earlier than Okita's memories of being sick, though... actually, Rain hasn't had any memories wherein Okita seemed to be anything less than healthy.]

[He knows the way he felt in his last memory - and he knows he wouldn't have been able to keep illness that severe from showing in his voice. At least not with Rain listening. And Lezard-san had said the disease got worse and worse, if left untreated.]

We probably lived, then.

[Rain nods, slowly, looking down at his hands which are folded on his lap.]

Yes. I may have not even seen action - investigators were charged with the defense of headquarters while the squads went out in search of the enemy.

[There's a considerable pause before he continues.] ...I wish I knew whether we were successful or not. [But that's usually the way it is with memories here - recovering just enough information to have new questions to ask. It never seems to become less frustrating.]

[Souji nods his agreement]

Me too. I hope we will, someday.

[A thoughtful pause, and then he continued]

There was a second man in my dream. Older than Hijikata-san.

[This feels close to normal again, sitting and talking about what they recall of their shared past as they so often do. It's almost possible to imagine that Okita didn't die... but no, of course he would have had another birth dream.

Another man, older than the vice commander... Rain wonders if it's the same one he heard. One man in his memory did sound a bit older, the one who called the vice commander Toshi. He quits staring at his hands and looks back up at Okita, nodding for him to continue.]

...Please go on.

He was familiar, but I don't know his name. He was... dead, I think. White kimono, blood over his stomach and from his neck. [Seppuku wounds]

He said...that I had killed him, but it wasn't my fault. That all things came with a price, even honor.

[Souji's hands tighten slightly on his tea-cup. This is somewhat personal territory - but he can trust Rain]

He hugged me. He had a bamboo blade in his hands... it ran through as easily as steel. He said to remember him. And to be good.

[Rain doesn't need it spelled out for him what sort of wounds those were - he catches on. Seppuku. And if Okita killed him, does that mean he was responsible for the circumstances leading to the man's death, or simply that he was his second? But this is a dream they're discussing now, Rain reminds himself, not a memory. It could merely be symbolic... just as being run through easily with a bamboo sword probably is.

He sits in quiet contemplation for a minute, attempting to determine whether he holds any clues that might help make sense of the dream, or whether he knows who the man might be. But the only person he's remembered who he knows to have died is his sister, and the rest of it... it doesn't ring any bells. Eventually, he shakes his head.]

I'm afraid it doesn't mean anything at all to me. [He pauses briefly.] One of the men in my memory sounded older, but as I was unable to see anything, I don't think we can determine whether or not it was the same person.

[Souji nods. Understandable that it doesn't mean much to Rain - much as Rain's list of names doesn't mean much to him.]

He was someone... important, I think. I wish I could remember.

[He shakes himself out of that train of thought, and takes another sip of tea before looking up at Rain again, slightly more determined]

I promised Hijikata-san... that I'd return. I'm going to keep that.

[They're on the same page there, at least. There's important work to be done back home; there are people relying on them. Rain's suddenly reminded of his memory of his sister, what she said to him when she stopped him from killing himself - Do you plan to let Hijikata-san down? ...Hijikata-san is putting his trust in you.

Rain meets Okita's gaze levelly, and nods once.]

Yes. We both will.

[This is the most certain Souji has felt since waking up - he has a purpose, at least, if not a master. But Rain was right, earlier - he has Hijikata-san, waiting for him... somewhere]

We'll find a way.

[Rain nods again, but says nothing. If there is a way to get home - and he refuses to believe that there isn't - they'll find it eventually. They have to.

A minute passes, in which he stares at the surface of the table in thought, and eventually he lets out a long exhale and slowly moves to stand. He's said what he came to say, and Okita's said his part... and Rain feels that there's an understanding between them, at least. He doesn't agree with what Okita did - they don't see eye to eye on everything, clearly - but they remain comrades.]

Just... don't do that again. [Rain's voice is soft, but steady. He's not angry at Okita anymore... but the pain of having lost him might take a bit longer to forget.]

[Souji manages a somewhat lopsided smile at that. Refuge in audacity, as usual]

I can't afford to. [Only one lung left, after all :|]